Leadership Spotlight: Orna Guralnik
I recently became inadvertently addicted to a show on a platform I don’t subscribe to (a devastating reality of these modern times): Couples Therapy.
First of all, humans are fascinating. Full stop.
Second of all, it’s amazing to see the loops and spirals we get trapped in when we’re ignited (which happens often when two humans interact, no matter their relationship).
The reason I think Orna is a leadership superstar is the way she interacts with and holds her clients – it transcends the therapy arena. While the show is aptly named and about couples therapy, I think what she does with her clients is applicable for all leaders, from wherever they lead.
Here’s what we can learn from Orna:
Slowing down: It can be so easy for these couples to argue and spiral and escalate and suddenly there’s yelling and no coherence to the conversation. Orna’s crucial role many times is to sloooow them dooooown. It can be nearly impossible when one’s thoughts or feelings are on a runaway train to corral them and stay engaged, and that’s exactly what’s needed when working on important things.
Asking each person for their perspective/observation: These couples aren’t all that different from a room of executives around a boardroom table. Everyone is trying to be heard and acknowledged, and in that process, no one really hears each other. Orna will often stop the flow of discussion to ask what the other person thinks or what their reaction is. This gives a chance for all perspectives to be heard and seen.
Returning to the core/root when distracted: How many times have you been part of a conversation that you realized, at some point, had shifted to something else entirely? Orna is a master at keeping the thread of what the focus is, another of her superpowers. When we are heated and engaged, we are unskillful referees of what gets added to, subsequently derailing, a conversation.
Say it straight: This is probably a skill of many a therapist, but we get to see Orna model it beautifully! Sometimes she just gets right to the core of the issue, straight out, with no extra words, no sugar coating, no beating around the bush. This can often result in a quiet, awkward moment, or even a small explosion…but then everyone is suddenly focused in the same distinct issue, and that is when some real progress can start to be made.
Expressing care: These days, it’s hard to know if we should be feeling or showing compassion or empathy or sympathy or simply run away when something hard happens! While each of these have nuances that make them different, at the core of the intention is CARE. What Orna does so beautifully – and what I think all leaders can lean into – is to care for the people in front of her before and as she moves them forward.
Way to go Orna, keep up the great work!
