The achievement-acceptance duel
Have you ever felt that tension between getting after that next goal and accepting who or where you are right now in this moment?
Yeah, me too.
I keep finding myself thinking of this paradox as a binary, and only recently did things (including the knot in my chest) loosen up as I started to look at it as a spectrum.
On one side is a deep desire to grow, to evolve, to strive for better. This is often about work, but also about physical health, emotional development, relationships…it applies to a lot!
And on the other side is a very real, very necessary practice of self-acceptance. Of not treating myself like a never-ending project. Of recognizing that I’m OK exactly as I am, even in the in-between, the messy middle.
So, of course, this is where it gets tricky: those feelings often compete. And not nicely either.
If I truly accept myself as I am, does that mean I’ll stop trying to grow?
If I keep striving for more, does that mean I’m not accepting who I am right now?
It’s a paradox. And like most paradoxes, it’s not meant to be solved. It’s meant to be held.
Our strongest strivings come from a place of pure desire for wanting better vs. desire fueled by shame or lack of worth. And self-acceptance is fullest when it comes from a relaxing into ourselves vs. an abdication of responsibility.
All easier said than done!
But maybe that next time we’re caught between being at peace with what is and yearning for what’s possible, instead of responding to our urge to pick a side, we can choose to stand in the middle. To say, “How do I, as I am right now, want to move toward this possibility?”
