Unanswerable questions
Being away from my blog for almost two months has made for a steep climb back into my writing routine. It wasn’t a normal hiatus – being away was very purposeful, to focus on my family and manage my energy. Getting back to writing has felt like moving your creaking limbs around after a long slumber, crackling and groaning with each inch of movement.
Some of that is about the act of writing itself. I’m a little out of practice and some of this is just shaking the cobwebs off.
But the other part is more about the mindset I’ve often been in when writing. I’ve been in such a different mental space the last couple months that I feel like a different person coming back to the proverbial pen and paper now.
Instead of what before was probably a bit more general and knowable musings and mental meanderings, now I find myself grappling with big and possibly unanswerable questions.
What am I doing with this life?
How do I actually want to be spending my time and energy and focus?
Do I even know what I am meant to be doing?
And maybe the most unanswerable of them all…
Am I doing this right?
I don’t usually tackle questions this big, or unanswerable, in my blog musings, because dammit, I want a verdict! Something nice and neat and packaged up to deliver to us all that can make us think without leaving us spinning.
But I admit, I’m spinning a little more these days. Somehow my expectations as a kid that things were all going to get figured out (and be so super cool!) as an adult…are proving rather naïve. The questions pile up, each one bigger and more elusive than the next.
I guess some might say this is the point. That our lives are spent exploring in search of “answers” and it’s the journey, not the ultimate answer, that matters. I can’t decide if that is encouraging or exhausting.
And maybe that is not to be known either.
(But if anyone reading this knows the answers, please document and send them immediately.)
